15 weeks

Sorry I haven't been around much... But I'll be playing catch up blog because I have a lot to say.

So far so good. The cervical monitoring has begun. I had an ultrasound on Wednesday and I have a perfectly normal strong cervix to start. Dr. Babytogoplease was quite excited about this, I wish I could say I am too. I am glad yes, but I probably started with a good strong cervix with Audrey too. Get me to 28-30 weeks strong, then I'll be excited. I go back in two weeks to check again and so on and so forth. I can't say enough how much I love my OB! He is so sweet and caring.

I was reading my journal entries from a year ago when I was pregnant with Audrey. I wrote about how I felt depressed and sick up to the 13th week. This made me stop and think. Huh, there really IS something to be said about the role hormones play! Strange, this is exactly how it played out this time, only I thought it had everything to do with losing Audrey. These last two weeks I have felt a lot better physically and emotionally. Yes I'm still sad about big sister but I feel like I can begin to function again while going through this grief journey.

I have to admit I was getting worried I wouldn't be good at being a mommy to anyone but Audrey, now I feel confident that I'll figure it out. I'll find a way to honor her memory and take good care of little brother or sister too.

The most exciting thing yet is that I felt you move twice this week little one! Just like your sister- packing a powerful punch or kick so early!

I just keep asking God, "Can I please bring this one home, pleeeeeaaase!?"

Can it be?

Well, I did what I said to myself I would not. A few weeks ago, I went to this cute little store where I shopped while I was pregnant with Audrey. ( I have a lot of catching up to do on my blogging) I was headed to the party store to find some cake decorations for my nephew's birthday. In an adjoining parking lot is Once Upon a Child, a store that is packed full of almost everything you can think of for babies and kids. I really had the desire to go in, partly because it reminds me of Audrey and partly because I want to accept and love this baby just as much, even though I am scared to. I bought two books, something I never thought to buy Audrey. Then, off to the party store then, I headed to one of my favorite craft & home decor stores still in search of the right stuff for the birthday cake. Of course each time I go in there I have to peek down every isle as to not miss anything that might inspire me.

Lo and behold there they were the perfect silhouettes that I envisioned just two days before!

I was trying to conjure up something unique for the nursery (yes, I actually allowed myself to go there too) when I pictured just the outline of various animals that could go around the room. So I asked hubby if he had a router bit to cut the shapes if I drew them onto wood, then I would paint them black. Well, now we don't have to ....they were even on clearance!

I love it when things just come together like this! It felt like it is a sign that everything will be okay, I just might get to bring this one home! I almost started crying right there in the isle, but my mind started racing, "hurry up, pick the good ones before the others get them!" There were women on both sides of me eyeballing in the same area-I ran and grabbed a cart and loaded up.

Can it really be? Can I bring you home and keep you little one?