With my last pregnancy today is the day my body made itself clear that it was failing me and failing Audrey. Day 175 the failing began and day 179 it ended. I'm so happy to say I'm still here, I'm still pregnant, my body is succeeding. I'm breathing a sigh of relief. I really believe everything is going to be okay. We're not out of the danger zone just yet. I'll continue to have cervical checks up to 27.5 weeks, then I will no longer be high risk status in the cervical department. I have faith that we are going to make it! I can hardly believe that I'm typing these words, but I truly have peace. If I'm wrong I'm wrong, but I fully receive this peace I have now.
My last visit @ Dr. Fulltermzeez, I actually got to see her and not new partner! It was so nice, Jamie was able to make that appointment (can't take off work for all of them) and when she saw us she was so happy. She said she really believes that it was the mystery infection that caused my water to break with Audrey and is so excited for us to be on this journey again -and to be a part of it. I LOVE HER! She is really sincere. Backing up for a moment, the three days after Audrey died she didn't come to my room as I thought she would. She told my midwife in a conversation the two of them had weeks later that she was in tears and couldn't bring herself to see us just yet, she had such faith that we would have a good outcome and not all patients affect her the way we did. I was so touched when my midwife shared this with me through her tears. When she did come to my room I could tell it was hard for her and I knew she meant every word of condolence she offered. Care providers really can practice with there hearts engaged.
And on that note my last visit with Dr. Babytogoplease almost brought tears to my eyes. He said the same thing as Dr. Fulltermzeez, that if I had a cervical issue we probably would have seen a problem by now. He then started to talk about delivery. We haven't uttered a word about that up to this point. It's as if that might have been a bad omen to all of us. So, he started to go over the details... "how we normally proceed with patients we don't want laboring on their own" have an amniocentesis @ 37 weeks to make sure her lungs are ready, how they determine this, tentatively plan on scheduling the c section at this time...blah blah blah. Um, I panicked. I said,
"Uh, I know we don't want me to rupture but is there a way we can skip all that amnio business and wait til like I dunno 39 weeks? Cause I think there are other important developmental markers for babies up to the 40th week. I really want to be able to hold her and breast feed, I don't want her to be in the NICU at all, I just don't want to be separated from her that's really important to me."
GET A LOAD OF THIS!!!
He said, "You are absolutely right. I am so sorry. Sometimes us in Obstetrics just proceed with what we know and forget about the experience of mom and baby. I want you to know it's important to me too that you are able to breastfeed and spend time with her right away. You're right, there can be issues with suckling and that's a risk we run by delivering too soon, some babies end up not feeding at all on their own. I will discuss this with Dr. Fulltermzeez and see how she would like to proceed, but it is definitely a possibility to wait until 39 weeks and if not we will reach a decision that's comfortable for you too."
I thought it would be inappropriate to grab him and hug him, but I really wanted to! I LOVE HIM TOO! AND he apologized twice for making me wait so long as they were waaay behind schedule, he mentioned there was a trend of a lot of concerns and questions among patients that day. I told him he is well worth the long wait. Besides I've been one of those patients who needed more of his time, another thing he is great at is not rushing through the visit.
Geez, I didn't mean for this post to turn into a mushy love fest about doctors! I guess I just needed to express my gratitude, Lord knows ( and you guys know) I've had some crappy ones that I complained about!